Halloween is a very sad time for me. Halloween represents my mothers birthday whom is no longer with us. It has been 22 long hard and painful years since her passing. I miss her more now than ever before as I watch my children grow into adults because she never got to see three of them.
I often fell cheated because I did not get to know her parents and now my children will never know their grandmother. I sometimes even question god as to why did he have to take her from me and leave my children without a grandmother. Yes they had a grandmother on their fathers side but she just passed away also so they really don't have a Nana now. I feel sad because they don't have a grandmother who they can visit and do special things with that children look forward to when they go to grandma house.
I have a very small family and the holidays are very painful for me because I always like big family gatherings and I have never had the pleasure of having that. So the last three months of the year brings me down and even though I try to put on a brave face for my children the pain inside is sometimes unbearable. I wish things were different and my children could have experienced family gatherings with lots of family members.
My darling mother I miss you more today than yesterday and I know you are looking down on us but I sure wish you were here to celebrate your birthday. Happy Birthday Mommy and god knows I miss you so much. You left me way to soon and I cry quietly for the void you have left in my heart and family.
Kim,
ReplyDeleteYou almost made me cry when I read this. I felt cheated that I never got to spend time with my grandparents because they all died before I was old enough to really enjoy them. They never got to see me grow into the woman I am becoming and won't be here to see all the things I am accomplishing. I have my mother thankfully and I know how you must feel I lost my father when I was very young. So I will send hugs your way and hope that you will enjoy your children and grandchildren and make all the memories great for them. On holidays we take time to have a small memorial for the family members we have lost. We tell all the stories of the memories we have of them and it makes it feel as if they are here with us in spirit that day. I hope that you will be able to find peace and comfort during this holiday season.
Melanie thank you so much and I think I may incorporate your tradition into my small family so that will have some memories of her. I do realize they need something from her also.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful that you reached out to me and yes I am going to make it a great holiday for the family. I am sure she wish she could have been around to see your accomplishements although she is seeing them just not with you. God bless you for such a thoughtful act.